[quote="Hero from the North"][img]http://img363.imageshack.us/img363/6796 ... gelkl2.gif[/img][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote]
[size=18]A Short Guide to Comparative Religions[/size]
[b]Taoism[/b] - S.h.i.t. happens
[b]Buddhism[/b] - If S.h.i.t. happens, it’s not really shit
[b]Islam[/b] - If S.h.i.t. happens, it’s the will of Allah
[b]Protestantism[/b] - S.h.i.t. happens because you don’t work hard enough
[b]Judaism[/b] - Why does this S.h.i.t. always happen to us?
[b]Hinduism[/b] - This S.h.i.t. happened before
[b]Catholicism[/b] - S.h.i.t. happens because you’re bad
[b]Hare Krishna[/b] - S.h.i.t. happens rama rama
[b]T.V. Evangelism[/b] - Send more S.h.i.t.
[b]Atheism[/b] - No S.h.i.t.
[b]Jehovah’s Witness[/b] - Knock knock, S.h.i.t. happens
[b]Hedonism[/b] - There’s nothing like a good S.h.i.t. happening
[b]Christian Science[/b] - S.h.i.t. happens in your mind
[b]Agnosticism[/b] - Maybe S.h.i.t. happens, maybe it doesn’t
[b]Existentialism[/b] - What is S.h.i.t. anyway?
[b]Stoicism[/b] - This S.h.i.t. doesn’t bother me
[b]Rastafarianism[/b] - Let’s smoke this S.h.i.t.
[/quote]
:idk:[/quote]
[quote="the_pig"]ha hah, yeah, I've seen those on a siort or something.. another is the classical
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
etc. etc.[/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][img]http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/200 ... edo-23.jpg[/img]
....... whatever that exactly means ........ :jump:[/quote]
S.h.i.t happens, things which aren't what they seem to be
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Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
-
Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
[quote="Hero from the North"]This one fits into this topic too, I think. When I saw this one last night I nearly feel off my chair, laughing like mad .......
[img]http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpre ... en-pee.jpg[/img][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote][b]…And The Baristas Shall Inherit The Earth[/b]
[i]Coffee Shop | El Paso, TX, USA[/i]
Me: Good morning, what can I get for you?
Customer: “Did you go to church today?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.”
Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.”
Customer: “Get your manager!”
Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.”
Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.”
Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.”
[/quote][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote][b]A Heady Proposition[/b]
[i]Retail | Pennsylvania, USA[/i]
Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”
Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”
[i](The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)[/i]
Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”
Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”
Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”
[i](The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)[/i]
Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”
Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?”
Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”
Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”
Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”
Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”
Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”
[i](Skip ahead 9 months…)[/i]
Female customer: “Is your name ***?”
Me: “Yes, can I help you?”
Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*
[i](I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)[/i]
[/quote][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote][b]Even Paranoid Racist Nutjobs Have Bad Days[/b]
[i]Cell Phone Customer Support | Lake Mary, FL, USA[/i]
[i](Note: The cell phone provider I worked for does not have call centers outside of North America.They have some in Canada, but that is irrelevant to the following transaction.)[/i]
Me: “Thank you for calling C*** Wireless. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I want a credit to my account.”
Me: “Well, I can certainly see what I can do for you sir. What seems to be the issue?”
Customer: “Where am I calling currently?”
Me: “Customer service, sir…?”
Customer: “Where are you located?”
Me: “Lake Mary, Florida.”
Customer: “I want a credit because the last person I spoke to from your company was in India.”
Me: “Sir, we don’t have call centers in India. All our call centers are in North America.”
Customer: “Well, the person I just spoke with had a very heavy middle eastern accent and told me his name was Sam. Now I know he was lying to me, so I want a credit applied to my bill!”
Me: “Sir, this is the United States of America. There are many people in this nation with varying accents. I cannot credit you for speaking to an American with an accent.”
Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor!”
Me: “Sir, I would be more than happy to allow you to speak with my supervisor. His name is Muhammed Alam… we call him ‘Moe’ for short. ”
Customer: *click*
[/quote][/quote]
[img]http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpre ... en-pee.jpg[/img][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote][b]…And The Baristas Shall Inherit The Earth[/b]
[i]Coffee Shop | El Paso, TX, USA[/i]
Me: Good morning, what can I get for you?
Customer: “Did you go to church today?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.”
Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.”
Customer: “Get your manager!”
Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.”
Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.”
Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.”
[/quote][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote][b]A Heady Proposition[/b]
[i]Retail | Pennsylvania, USA[/i]
Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”
Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”
[i](The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)[/i]
Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”
Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”
Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”
[i](The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)[/i]
Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”
Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?”
Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”
Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”
Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”
Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”
Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”
[i](Skip ahead 9 months…)[/i]
Female customer: “Is your name ***?”
Me: “Yes, can I help you?”
Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*
[i](I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)[/i]
[/quote][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"][quote][b]Even Paranoid Racist Nutjobs Have Bad Days[/b]
[i]Cell Phone Customer Support | Lake Mary, FL, USA[/i]
[i](Note: The cell phone provider I worked for does not have call centers outside of North America.They have some in Canada, but that is irrelevant to the following transaction.)[/i]
Me: “Thank you for calling C*** Wireless. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I want a credit to my account.”
Me: “Well, I can certainly see what I can do for you sir. What seems to be the issue?”
Customer: “Where am I calling currently?”
Me: “Customer service, sir…?”
Customer: “Where are you located?”
Me: “Lake Mary, Florida.”
Customer: “I want a credit because the last person I spoke to from your company was in India.”
Me: “Sir, we don’t have call centers in India. All our call centers are in North America.”
Customer: “Well, the person I just spoke with had a very heavy middle eastern accent and told me his name was Sam. Now I know he was lying to me, so I want a credit applied to my bill!”
Me: “Sir, this is the United States of America. There are many people in this nation with varying accents. I cannot credit you for speaking to an American with an accent.”
Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor!”
Me: “Sir, I would be more than happy to allow you to speak with my supervisor. His name is Muhammed Alam… we call him ‘Moe’ for short. ”
Customer: *click*
[/quote][/quote]
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Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
[quote="Hero from the North"]Found at the website of "The New Zealand Herald" ...........
[quote]Sideswipe: Thursday
4:00AM Thursday Nov 20, 2008
By Ana Samways
Caroline spotted this sign outside Whangarei's Maunu Hot Bread Shop.
"The pizza bread was so hard you could have sent it through NZ Post
and it wouldn't have been damaged.
When I phoned, the owner told me to microwave it."
[img]http://media.apn.co.nz/webcontent/image/jpg/side89.jpg[/img]
[/quote]
[img]http://www.laxiusforce.org/phpBB3/image ... on_eek.gif[/img] ....... :jump: :jump: :jump:[/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"]Two new findings at the website of "The New Zealand Herald":
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide253.jpg[/img]
[b]One News wasn't quite ready for
their 'weather bomb' story at the top
of the news hour on Saturday night - oops![/b]
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide109.jpg[/img]
[b]Kevin snapped this picture at Link-
water in the Marlborough Sounds. The
interesting aroma and flies confirm
the kingfish head is real, he says.[/b][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"]About the fine art of spelling .......
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide128.jpg[/img]
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ab1602.jpg[/img]
:idk:
[quote]The constant jokes were too much to take for the long-suffering residents of Butt Hole Rd, who banded together to change the name of their street, reports the Daily Mail. Groups of youths used to visit the street and bare their backsides for photographs, and many delivery firms refused to believe it existed. Residents spent £300 to change their address to the more palatable Archers Way. Butt Hole Rd is believed to have been named after a communal water butt originally in the area.[/quote]
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide134.jpg[/img][/quote]
[quote]Sideswipe: Thursday
4:00AM Thursday Nov 20, 2008
By Ana Samways
Caroline spotted this sign outside Whangarei's Maunu Hot Bread Shop.
"The pizza bread was so hard you could have sent it through NZ Post
and it wouldn't have been damaged.
When I phoned, the owner told me to microwave it."
[img]http://media.apn.co.nz/webcontent/image/jpg/side89.jpg[/img]
[/quote]
[img]http://www.laxiusforce.org/phpBB3/image ... on_eek.gif[/img] ....... :jump: :jump: :jump:[/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"]Two new findings at the website of "The New Zealand Herald":
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide253.jpg[/img]
[b]One News wasn't quite ready for
their 'weather bomb' story at the top
of the news hour on Saturday night - oops![/b]
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide109.jpg[/img]
[b]Kevin snapped this picture at Link-
water in the Marlborough Sounds. The
interesting aroma and flies confirm
the kingfish head is real, he says.[/b][/quote]
[quote="Hero from the North"]About the fine art of spelling .......
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide128.jpg[/img]
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ab1602.jpg[/img]
:idk:
[quote]The constant jokes were too much to take for the long-suffering residents of Butt Hole Rd, who banded together to change the name of their street, reports the Daily Mail. Groups of youths used to visit the street and bare their backsides for photographs, and many delivery firms refused to believe it existed. Residents spent £300 to change their address to the more palatable Archers Way. Butt Hole Rd is believed to have been named after a communal water butt originally in the area.[/quote]
[img]http://media.nzherald.co.nz/webcontent/ ... ide134.jpg[/img][/quote]
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Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
[quote="Hero from the North"]...... sometimes it isn't easy when foreign languages come into play .......
..... now, this is the name of some place in Austria .......
[img]http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-7315 ... 9-onik.jpg[/img]
...... and this is how the story goes on from there on .....
[quote]
[b][size=15]Controversial Brand Name[/size][/b]
[b][size=20][color=red]German Firm Wins Right to Make Beer Called 'Fucking Hell'[/color][/size][/b]
[size=15][b]The EU's trademarks authority has permitted a German firm to brew beer and produce clothing under the name "Fucking Hell". It may be an expletive in English, but in German it could refer to a light ale -- Hell -- from the Austrian town of Fucking. Whether it will be brewed there is another question.[/b][/size]
The European Union trademarks authority has permitted a German firm to register the brand name "Fucking Hell" for a new beer, much to the irritation of the Austrian village of Fucking.
In English, the term "Fucking Hell" is just an expletive used to express irritation or surprise. In German, it could refer to a light ale from Fucking in Upper Austria, because "Hell" is a term for light ale in southern Germany and Austria.
The problem is that Fucking has no brewery, and the town's mayor, Franz Meindl, is not aware of any plans to build one there, Austrian public broadcaster ORF reported on its Web site.
The Trade Marks and Designs Registration Office of the European Union said in a statement that it had rejected a complaint that the trade mark "Fucking Hell" was upsetting, accusatory and derogatory.
"The word combination claimed contains no semantic indication that could refer to a certain person or group of persons. Nor does it incite a particular act. It cannot even be understood as an instruction that the reader should go to hell," the Office said in its statement.
[size=15][b]EU Trademark Office Has No Problem with Name[/b][/size]
"Fucking Hell" was an "an interjection used to express a deprecation, but it does not indicate against whom the deprecation is directed," the Office added. "Nor can it be considered as reprehensible to use existing place names in a targeted manner (as a reference to the place), merely because this may have an ambiguous meaning in other languages."
That is good news for German marketing executives Stefan Fellenberg and Florian Krause, who own the rights to the brand name, and who had referred to the town of Fucking in their application to register it.
Tittelconsulting, a marketing agency, said in a statement on Monday that the owners will use the trademark to manufacture a variety of products including clothing and beer. "It includes the marketing of a beer among other things," Tittelconsulting said in a statement.
The new brew was likely to be presented in August or September, it added. Contacted by SPIEGEL ONLINE, Fellenberg declined to give further comment, so it's unclear where the beer will be brewed.
It is likely to heighten Fucking's fame, which is something Meindl, the town's mayor, isn't happy about, given the trouble the name has caused it over the years. "Twelve or 13 town signs have been stolen. We've taken to fixing them with concrete, welding and rivets."
The Bavarian towns of Kissing and Petting have the same problem, as does the eastern German town of Pissen. But so far, there are no plans to name a beer after them.
cro
[/quote][/quote]
..... now, this is the name of some place in Austria .......
[img]http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-7315 ... 9-onik.jpg[/img]
...... and this is how the story goes on from there on .....
[quote]
[b][size=15]Controversial Brand Name[/size][/b]
[b][size=20][color=red]German Firm Wins Right to Make Beer Called 'Fucking Hell'[/color][/size][/b]
[size=15][b]The EU's trademarks authority has permitted a German firm to brew beer and produce clothing under the name "Fucking Hell". It may be an expletive in English, but in German it could refer to a light ale -- Hell -- from the Austrian town of Fucking. Whether it will be brewed there is another question.[/b][/size]
The European Union trademarks authority has permitted a German firm to register the brand name "Fucking Hell" for a new beer, much to the irritation of the Austrian village of Fucking.
In English, the term "Fucking Hell" is just an expletive used to express irritation or surprise. In German, it could refer to a light ale from Fucking in Upper Austria, because "Hell" is a term for light ale in southern Germany and Austria.
The problem is that Fucking has no brewery, and the town's mayor, Franz Meindl, is not aware of any plans to build one there, Austrian public broadcaster ORF reported on its Web site.
The Trade Marks and Designs Registration Office of the European Union said in a statement that it had rejected a complaint that the trade mark "Fucking Hell" was upsetting, accusatory and derogatory.
"The word combination claimed contains no semantic indication that could refer to a certain person or group of persons. Nor does it incite a particular act. It cannot even be understood as an instruction that the reader should go to hell," the Office said in its statement.
[size=15][b]EU Trademark Office Has No Problem with Name[/b][/size]
"Fucking Hell" was an "an interjection used to express a deprecation, but it does not indicate against whom the deprecation is directed," the Office added. "Nor can it be considered as reprehensible to use existing place names in a targeted manner (as a reference to the place), merely because this may have an ambiguous meaning in other languages."
That is good news for German marketing executives Stefan Fellenberg and Florian Krause, who own the rights to the brand name, and who had referred to the town of Fucking in their application to register it.
Tittelconsulting, a marketing agency, said in a statement on Monday that the owners will use the trademark to manufacture a variety of products including clothing and beer. "It includes the marketing of a beer among other things," Tittelconsulting said in a statement.
The new brew was likely to be presented in August or September, it added. Contacted by SPIEGEL ONLINE, Fellenberg declined to give further comment, so it's unclear where the beer will be brewed.
It is likely to heighten Fucking's fame, which is something Meindl, the town's mayor, isn't happy about, given the trouble the name has caused it over the years. "Twelve or 13 town signs have been stolen. We've taken to fixing them with concrete, welding and rivets."
The Bavarian towns of Kissing and Petting have the same problem, as does the eastern German town of Pissen. But so far, there are no plans to name a beer after them.
cro
[/quote][/quote]
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Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
One may say that's a way to make people smile ..........
[img]http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-2184 ... 9-xqbw.jpg[/img]
[img]http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-2184 ... 9-xqbw.jpg[/img]
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Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
Fighting the postman without biting ..........
[img]http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-2184 ... 9-cmmf.jpg[/img]
[img]http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-2184 ... 9-cmmf.jpg[/img]
-
Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40
Drat, several of the links above are gone. :angryy
.... got something else though:
[quote][b][size=15]Tee'd Off[/size][/b]
[b][size=20][color=red]Right-Wing Extremists Tricked by Trojan Shirts[/color][/size][/b]
[size=15][b]Fans at a recent right-wing extremist rock festival in Germany thought they were getting free T-shirts that reflected their nationalistic worldview. But after the garment's first wash they discovered otherwise. The original image rinsed away to reveal a hidden message from an activist group.[/b][/size]
With a skull-and-crossbones logo and the message "Hardcore Rebels - National and Free," some 250 black T-shirts given away at a recent right-wing extremist rock festival were quickly snapped up. But there was more to the tough-looking image than met the eye.
Once the rightist rockers washed their new shirts, they were dismayed to find an entirely different message: "If your T-shirt can do it, so can you. We'll help to free you from right-wing extremism." The offer, complete with contact information, came from a group called Exit Deutschland, which helps people get out of the neo-Nazi scene.
The group sent their "Trojan T-shirts," disguised as a donation from an anonymous party supporter, to the organizers of the Aug. 6 event, which took place in the Thuringian city of Gera and was sponsored by the right-wing extremist NPD party. Exit Deutschland has been pleased with discussion the initiative prompted in online neo-Nazi forums, co-founder Bernd Wagner told daily Süddeutsche Zeitung on Wednesday.
"Why didn't we think of that?" one forum member reportedly asked.
Still, the initiative to outwit the neo-Nazis is unlikely to prompt immediate re-evaluation of their values, Wagner said. "But our name will be stored in their minds. And when they consider leaving the scene at some point, they will remember us," he told the paper. The group's main goal was to reach young right-wing extremists "in a situation where they would hopefully be alone at home."
A marketing expert in Hamburg, who wished to remain anonymous, came up with the idea together with his colleagues, the paper reported. His firm paid for the T-shirts to be printed.
Exit Deutschland was founded in 2000 by Wagner, a criminologist, together with Ingo Hasselbach, a former neo-Nazi leader. According to the group's estimates, they have helped some 400 right-wing extremists to escape the scene.
kla[/quote]
.... got something else though:
[quote][b][size=15]Tee'd Off[/size][/b]
[b][size=20][color=red]Right-Wing Extremists Tricked by Trojan Shirts[/color][/size][/b]
[size=15][b]Fans at a recent right-wing extremist rock festival in Germany thought they were getting free T-shirts that reflected their nationalistic worldview. But after the garment's first wash they discovered otherwise. The original image rinsed away to reveal a hidden message from an activist group.[/b][/size]
With a skull-and-crossbones logo and the message "Hardcore Rebels - National and Free," some 250 black T-shirts given away at a recent right-wing extremist rock festival were quickly snapped up. But there was more to the tough-looking image than met the eye.
Once the rightist rockers washed their new shirts, they were dismayed to find an entirely different message: "If your T-shirt can do it, so can you. We'll help to free you from right-wing extremism." The offer, complete with contact information, came from a group called Exit Deutschland, which helps people get out of the neo-Nazi scene.
The group sent their "Trojan T-shirts," disguised as a donation from an anonymous party supporter, to the organizers of the Aug. 6 event, which took place in the Thuringian city of Gera and was sponsored by the right-wing extremist NPD party. Exit Deutschland has been pleased with discussion the initiative prompted in online neo-Nazi forums, co-founder Bernd Wagner told daily Süddeutsche Zeitung on Wednesday.
"Why didn't we think of that?" one forum member reportedly asked.
Still, the initiative to outwit the neo-Nazis is unlikely to prompt immediate re-evaluation of their values, Wagner said. "But our name will be stored in their minds. And when they consider leaving the scene at some point, they will remember us," he told the paper. The group's main goal was to reach young right-wing extremists "in a situation where they would hopefully be alone at home."
A marketing expert in Hamburg, who wished to remain anonymous, came up with the idea together with his colleagues, the paper reported. His firm paid for the T-shirts to be printed.
Exit Deutschland was founded in 2000 by Wagner, a criminologist, together with Ingo Hasselbach, a former neo-Nazi leader. According to the group's estimates, they have helped some 400 right-wing extremists to escape the scene.
kla[/quote]
-
Hero_from_the_North
- Cherry wine drinker
- Posts: 3250
- Joined: 01-05-2011 09:40